Excused Absence

If you've been wondering why there haven't been any updates lately, you can blame it on my daughter.

You see, my life revolves around wee.

If you see me on the street, I likely look stressed (hoping my daughter doesn't wee on your shoes. Or in my car.) My friends give me potty training advice.
I post about wee on Facebook, desperate for advice.
I even Tweet about it.

Its pitiful, really.

If I were posting, I'd be ranting.
About wee, or the lack thereof actually making it to the toilet.
(By my daughter, not me. Me, I'm doing just fine, standing with her for hours in the bathroom, water running, running...and me running to the other bathroom, so that I can use the toilet, as all that running water just kills my baby-battered, weakened mommy-bladder.)

So in an effort to not completely lose all my followers, I've not been posting.

Its just too pathetic.

Potty Torture

I believe the usual term is "potty training". This term is used, however, from the perspective of the child - they are "trained" to use the potty.

From THIS parent's perspective, however, it is clearly potty torture.

Because, unless you've never, ever read my blog before, you already know that my daughter can be a manipulative little bugger. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Some days, her life simply revolves around controlling Mommy.

What better way to do this than with potty training?

Here's the thing: Pea will be 4 in less than 1 month. A ridiculous age for such a smart little thing to still be in Huggies Pull-ups (which should be avoided at all costs unless you are ready to potty train, I will add.) She also will begin the Nursery/Reception class at the start of the summer term in April - which is only about 8 weeks away. Her best friend (in Wales), J, has already moved to Nursery/Reception. Pea misses her desperately. "Every day, Mama - I miss her every day".

Momma is desperate to never, ever change a poopy diaper again. (My motivator.)

So Momma told her that she couldn't wear Pull-ups to the "big school". We talked about the fact that they don't sell Princess Pull-ups in Wales. (Shhhh.) We talked about what we would do when she ran out, because we would run out soon. (Shhhh.) She says "I'll just pee on the potty".

Brilliant!

So one sunny Friday morning (who am I kidding, its February, there is no such thing) one cloudy Friday morning, I HID the rest of her Pull-ups, save one. Which I left in the diaper basket.
For her to discover.

"Momma, its the last one! I'm gonna pee on the potty now", she stated ever so matter-of-factly.

Famous last words.

What she did, instead, is opt to hold it.

For hours.
And hours.

I think her record is 22 hours. Her average "hold" is about 14 hours.
(The girl has a remarkably stretchy bladder. I think it extends down one leg, like her big brother's stomach must.)

She tries, don't get me wrong. You've never seen a child sit more frequently on a potty, not peeing.

And then 10 minutes later, go to her room, hide behind her rocking chair, and pee/poo on the floor.

I will say, she is industrious. She now comes to find me, saying she wiped her bum, put on clean underwear and leggings, and hands me the dripping-with-wee soaked clothes to wash. And says, I didn't wanna go on the potty Momma. And looks at me, with a challenge clearly marked on her face.

So I'm stuck in purgatory, where she doesn't want to pee in the potty, but she absolutely refuses to go back into Pull-ups, because "I'm a big girl, not a baby".

I guess we keep fighting.
And scrubbing floors.

If you need me, I'm in the laundry room.

Its Progress, People

Pea is a stubborn little bird. Recently, she has been pretty insistent that she is NOT a big girl.

She is, she claimed, a little girl with little feet. Hard to argue the logic of this with my vertically challenged 3-1/2 year old.

And since she was not a big girl, she could not sleep under her covers.

Or wear her new shoes.

Or go on the potty.

We've not been as much pushing the individual things as much as point out all the things about her friends that are big girl related. One friend has the same shoes. All her friends are potty trained. (Gotta use peer pressure while it works for me, and not against me.)

Last week, she finally referred to herself as a "big girl with little feet".

Progress!

Noticing that she covers herself up when she is snuggling under Mommy's comforter, I asked her if she had a soft comforter, if she would cover herself up, too. She said yes.

I warned her that if she didn't cover herself up, the quilt would go back on her bed - and pulled out (drumroll) the Disney princess bedspread I carted over from Tar-jay. She squealed, climbed into bed, and covered herself up, yelling "Daddy, look at me, I did it, I did it!"

Two days later, dressed in her favorite new Dora dress, I asked her if she wanted to wear her new shoes like Jessica's. "Yes", she said. "I don't want to wear my Crocs any more".

Once I picked myself up off the floor, where I had fallen in a state of shock, I brought her her new shoes. Pink t-strap shoes, with purple cherries on top, decorated with sequins. I mean, who doesn't love a little sequins in an every day shoe?

She put them on. "Look at me".

We went to school. "Look at my shoes" she said to anyone who would listen. Her teachers praised her. She and Jessica compared shoes together.

While she showed her little feet to her friends, her teacher and I plotted. Potty training. Big encouragement for all her friends when they went pee. Her teacher also made a big fuss after changing for swimming about all her friends pretty panties. I suppose anyone overhearing her might find it odd, but I appreciate it.

(I digress here, but - can you imagine - 3 teachers getting 18 3-4 year olds into swimsuits, and then dried off and dressed? They are saints in my book...)

Baby steps. I'm so proud of my big girl with little feet!

Make Me Laugh Monday: The Big Leading the Small

Much to Boo's disappointment, Pea wants to do everything he does. So she is typically everyWHERE he is, right underfoot. (Literally, often - she is quite petite.)

So when I read Morningsidemom's blog post "The Potty Trained teaches the Potty-Trainee" last week, I had a spark of hope. Boo could motivate Pea to sit on the potty! (forget about potty training, I just want to get her to SIT on the potty willingly at this point!) Brilliant flash of genius! (Ouch, I'm blinded.)

Hey, I'll try anything to save a few bucks a month on diapers. I could buy me some dancin' shoes with that money! Or more wine. I always need more wine....but I digress.

Alas, I have the most strong-willed 3 year old on the planet. Her response to her big brother's urgings? "No tanks, Sam. I don't wanna."

Potty fail.

*this may be why she isn't potty trained - I'm not very forceful on the issue. She scares me sometimes.

However, Boo took to his newfound responsibility like a fish to water.

The other morning, I heard him encouraging Pea in the other room: "Like this! You do it like this" to which Pea responded "Go away, Sam".

I walked in to see this:

"What are you doing?"

"teaching Maddie how to walk with 'Elf feet'".

Elf feet. I don't know whether to laugh or lock him in his room with some books, as obviously he has WAY too much time on his hands for the ridiculous. Kinda like his mom.

A few minutes later I hear thumping and giggling. I return to the living room to see this:

"What are you doing, hon?"

"I'm teaching Maddie to hop like this. Isn't it silly?" Um, yes. Something she can definitely use on her college applications.

And then he hops up, ran to the hallway, and said, quite enthusiastically "watch this!!!!" as he spins on the floor.

And did it again.

"I'm teaching Maddie how to spin on her BUTT!!!"

That's my boy. I am SO proud.

Sooooo.... should you see a 3yo wearing a tutu with a very soggy diaper hanging out from below it, walking in her sparkly Dora sandals with "elf feet" and then promptly stopping to breakdance, well, you'll know its MY daughter.

But you gotta love Boo's enthusiasm!

For more Monday silliness, head right on over to my gal Jenny's blog Jennyonthespot!