Make Me Laugh Monday - Poop Jokes

As I'm still functioning under a haze of antibiotics, antihistamines, expectorants, decongestants, anti-depressants, Princess Glitter nail polish fumes and coffee, I'm stealing yet another yuk from my dear old Dad's endless stream of email jokes.

This one is particularly relevant to our household on so many levels, where my five year old is as regular as Old Faithful, and has no hesitation yelling "I gotta poop" as he runs through the kitchen to the powder room. Actually, he has no shame at all when it comes to bodily functions: he has a tendency to announce "Mommy, I have to POOP" louder than necessary, wherever we are, particularly if we are at Costco (at a table, eating hot dogs), the grocery store, or at a restaurant (specifically, 30 seconds after the waiter delivers our meal to the table.)

And, being a perfectionist like his mother and father, he doesn't trust his own skills in the wiping department. So after he's done his bizness, he'll yell "Mom, I'm ready" -- and assume the position: hands on the toilet seat, bent over, heiney presented.

Honestly. Just ask cousin Sarah, who was the lucky girl to take him to the bathroom at Red Robin last week - yes, 30 seconds after her burger was delivered to the table. I think she was a bit shaken - that should be sufficient birth control for a few more years for her.....

So, without further delay (yes, shut up Jenn):


A little three year-old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.

The little boy is gripping on to the toilet seat with his left hand and hitting himself on top of his head with his right hand.

His mother says "Billy, are you all right? you've been in there for a while."

Billy says, "I'm ok, Mommy. I just haven't pooped yet."

Mom says, "Ok, you can stay there a few more minutes...but, Billy - why are you hitting yourself on the head?"

Billy replies, "Well, Mommy, it works for ketchup!"